AKA why being too tired for sex is a legitimate thing.

It’s isn’t just a lame excuse to avoid sex because you are wearing a t-shirt that looks like it hasn’t been washed in 3 years,  or because you had cheese for lunch and are now farting toxic gas, or because your partner is actually having sex with their boss…

Don’t read too far into it. 1 in 4 Americans say they are too sleep deprived for sex.

Think about it: do you want to go to that restaurant you’ve been trying to get a reservation at for about a year when you’ve just had the longest day of your life? No, of course not. You’d be too tired to enjoy it properly: the food just won’t taste as good when you can hardly keep your eyes open. Same principle applies to sex.

Being tired is a distraction.

There are many, many reasons someone might be too tired for sex.

Some of the obvious reasons:

• Plain old sleep deprivation: Getting under 8 hours of sleep means your body is fighting against its homeostatic drive for sleep – the more consecutive hours your body stays awake, the stronger this drive becomes. In fact, that drive can flip a neuronal “switch” in the brain and send you to sleep whether you want it or not. And let’s just say, sleep drive > sex drive.

• Mental exhaustion: prolonged stress can zap your physical energy like a leech. Dealing with anxiety at work, for example, means that by the time you get home, you find you hardly have enough energy to put your pajamas on. It also means your mental capacity for sex is much diminished – and yes, sex is mental, too.

• Too much exercise: If you outdid yourself at the gym the other day, you may literally just not have the strength for sex! That applies to highly physical jobs like construction too. Aching muscles and burning limbs are not conducive to sex.

Some of the not so obvious reasons:

• Thyroid problems: One of the symptoms of an under-active thyroid is tiredness, so it is easy to confuse hypothyroidism with other things. But the thyroid is one of the most important glands in our bodies: it regulates things like metabolism, heart rate, blood pressure, and a slew of other bodily functions. The thyroid is a hormonal powerhouse. And without the correct cocktail of hormones, your desire for sex can be non-existent.

• Iron deficiency: Things like fatigue and weakness are classic signs of iron deficiency. When your body isn’t getting enough iron, your heart has to work harder to pump blood throughout the body. Don’t self-diagnose low iron and start taking iron pills – overloading your body with iron can have seriously damaging effects.

So give yourself or your partner a break if one of you is “too tired” – no eye rolling, no big sighs, no dramatic rolling over and brooding. There are legitimate and understandable reasons for being too tired for sex!