aka Why Women Suddenly Develop Oscar-Worthy Acting Chops in the Bedroom
We read statistics all the time about how often women fake their orgasms (some research suggests up to 80% of women have faked it) – it is such a common joke in pop culture that it’s almost not even funny anymore.
But, the real question isn’t “how often”, but WHY do women fake orgasm?!
Why do we fake something that should be real and raw? What benefit do we perceive as greater than our own sexual satisfaction?
Altruistic Deceit: faking it to avoid hurting their partner’s feelings
Fear and Insecurity: faking it to avoid negative emotions associated with sex (or insecurity about their own sexual prowess)
Elevated Arousal: the “fake it til you make it” idea – faking it to heighten their arousal to lead to real orgasm
Sexual Adjournment: faking it to end sex
The very obvious flaw in this study is that all the participants were heterosexual.It isn’t clear if the results would directly apply to women who didn’t identify as heterosexual. In fact, the research in the area of non-heterosexual female sexuality is lacking. (Although, anecdotal evidence suggests that lesbians indeed fake orgasm…)
That being said, the most interesting reason to come out of this study is #3 – the idea that by faking our own arousal, we might actually become aroused.
It is certainly the most positive reason – in a very indirect way, it is a form of taking responsibility for your orgasm. Your partner might even respond to your fakery by amping up the intensity, provoking a real orgasm,
However, consistently faking your orgasm for reasons 1, 2, and 4 means there is little room for improvement in your sex life with your partner. (But you probably already knew that, didn’t you?)
So, how do you go from faking it to making it?
Yup, sorry. There is no easy way to go about this.
You have to stop faking it.
If you’re concentrated on your performance, you’re not tuned into your own body enough to experience the sensations that might push you over the edge.
Many women’s arousal stems just as much from their brain as their body (which is why reading erotica can be such a turn on) – so focus your brainpower on yourself.