Sex and motherhood is totally possible: you can be a sexy woman AND a Mom!
No one ever tells you the truth about what it’s like to be a mother. You hear all the ooey gooey love and butterflies stuff, but people tend to leave out the less than favorable things when talking about motherhood. Maybe they forget. Maybe it’s selective amnesia. Yea. That’s what I’ll say.
When I became a mother, I was given so much unsolicited advice that I could have thrown up the entire first 5 chapters of WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU ARE EXPECTING. Everyone had a tip to share or an experience to give or an opinion to shove down my throat. Trust me, it got old fairly quickly. However, with me being a first time mother, I felt inclined to listen. Most information was helpful. Some…well… not so much.
For example, my baby was VERY colicky. I was told by SEVERAL older in-laws to “smoke” my baby. I can just feel the look of confusion when you read that. Yes! I was told, on several occasions, to “smoke” my infant son by inhaling cigar smoke and blowing the smoke on his back. Yea, no thanks crazy Uncle Edgar. Needless to say, I was overwhelmed, confused, stressed out and just down right tired.
After a few months, I began to get a routine and a sense of normalcy in my new found title of “mommy”. I worked day in and day out ensuring that my baby was healthy, feed, and happy. My home was spotless. My THEN husband was well feed. I was a regular little Suburban Suzy, living the American dream. There was only one little thing.
I was ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE.
In the mist of all the mothering and wife-ing, I completely lost myself. With every passing day and every perfectly roasted chicken and perfectly laundered cloth diaper, I died slowly inside. I was a shadow of my former self. I forgot how to be a woman. I let my love for my son, my maternal obligations, and my new found love of sweatpants overtake my responsibilities to myself.
I neglected myself. I was always tired. I was never horny. No, that’s a lie. I was always horny, but too engulfed in mommy mode to feed my needs. Sure, I had that Mommy glow. I was in absolute LOVE with my baby boy. I shined as a new mommy. I had a solution for every problem and a binky for every cry. I was a well oiled maternal machine, but that machine was headed for a major breakdown. I was one lost binky away from being on an episode of SNAPPED.
You see, everyone was giving me great information on how to be a mom, but no one was giving me the one thing I truly needed, a guide back to me!
I was so wrapped up in my son and my new title as mom, alongside my THEN title of WIFE, that I totally lost who I was as a woman. Bridgetta no longer existed. I was Brady’s wife or Braylon’s mom. I was invisible. I was existing in a world built around me. No one was giving me any advice on how to maintain my sexy or how to maintain a healthy balance. I was either MOM or BAD MOM. Everyone was so concerned with helping me be a knowledgeable cookie cutter mother, but no one was advising me on how to be a WOMAN with a baby. Did you catch that? I wanted to be a WOMAN with a baby, not just a Mom.
So, what did I do? I started talking. I started asking other moms about their interests OUTSIDE of parenting.
I got crickets.
It was as though I was asking about the damn Illuminati or something. I got the feeling that the world would only see me as one of two things: Mom or Bad Mom . “Mom” did not have FUN written in the job description. Sure. I’m a KICKASS mother with an absolutely beautifully active ball of pure 3 year old unfiltered fire who drives me absolutely crazy…in love, of course. BUT, I am a WOMAN, damn it. I feel like I should ROAR now, huh?
I love to drink, watch reality tv, gossip with my friends about my other friends, watch porn, have hot sex in completely inappropriate places, listen to jazz music until I fall asleep and dream about Ryan Gosling and Shemar Moore playing Eiffel Tower with me on a desert island somewhere far far away…….sighs…oh Shemar how I LOVE THEE!! Anyhooo…Yea…That’s me!! That’s who I am and what I love. Why the hell should I have to apologize or feel guilty because of it.
I dusted my shoulders off, adjusted my boss hat, and remembered WHO THE HELL I WAS. I started living. My son was NEVER a burden. I never saw him as such. Honestly, half of the time, he was my tag along. I traveled, I interacted with other likeminded moms who were sick and tired of being basic! We had our own little MOMMY POSSE. We had book clubs and crochet clubs complete with books and crochet hooks that looked and tasted an awful lot like wine. Hmmmm….good times, good times.
Just because I brought a life into the world didn’t mean that my world had to end. I made that decision to love and nurture me and you know what, I’m a much better mother for it. Here are some tips on how to be a sexy woman and mother:
#1 REMEMBER YOU
Don’t lose sight of what makes you a healthy happy sexy force to be reckoned with. Stand firm in your Light and refuse to dim your bulb. Don’t get lost in a title.
#2 GET OUT OF THOSE DAMN SWEATPANTS
I can’t speak for everyone but I just feel so much better when I look like I’m headed to meet Channing Tatum for dinner and dancing. I don’t give a hot damn if you are only going to the mailbox, go put on your sexy. Your sexy is anything that you feel fierce in! It can even be as simply as your favorite red lipstick. When you look good, you feel good! GO GET YOUR SEXY, GIRL!!
#3. MAKE TIME
No excuse, ladies. We make time for everyone else, including our children. Do the same for yourself. My little hellion has NO CHILL. On his really “active” days, he runs circles around me and will stay awake until about 10pm ; however, no matter how late we stay up, I have committed to writing in my journal, and listening to my jazz music at night to wind down. It’s my ritual. I just do it! No matter how late it is. I do it FOR ME. It make me feel good and helps me shed my entire day and frustrations.
#4. USE YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEMS
I must admit. This is one I struggle with, even now. Ladies, seek the help of trusted family and friends. There is NO SHAME is saying that you need a break. Give yourself some “me” time. Call up those grandparents, co parents, god-parents, babysitters, church folk, and friends. You need a mental break. In my case, I live quite a distance from family and have only a few friends in my area; however, I am a people person. I’ve made such beautiful and lasting friendships simply out of putting myself out of my comfort zone. My Mommy Pose’ is actually composed of a few ladies in my city that frequented the same park as me
#5. HAVE ORGASMS
Hey, I’m a sex coach; you had to know this was coming at some point. Seriously, I recommend having as many as possible. Start with committing to having at least one a day. Watch how much liveliness you will welcome into your world with this one task. Ever notice how aware you are after an orgasm? You feel everything inside of your ecstasy. That’s no accident, honey. You feel alive and present during an orgasm. That same feeling of euphoria can be transferred into other areas of your life allowing you be think clearly and honestly be more attractive both physically and emotionally. It’s an art, really.
Quick Sex Tip from the Queen of Kink…that’s me by the way…Orgasms are HEALTHY for you. Natural Sleep aids, natural pain relievers, natural anti-anxiety, and just plain good!
Remember, it’s NEVER selfish to love and nurture yourself. The greatest lovers are those who love themselves first!