In part 1 of this series, we banished the bullshit that men want sex all the time. Now we banish the second myth:
“Women don’t want sex for sex”
Yes, sex can bring with it emotional intimacy. And sure, women value emotional intimacy. If you’re in a relationship you probably value that (otherwise, why are you in one?!)
But one of the factors that has contributed to women thinking that there is something wrong if they want frequent sex, is the mistaken idea that women don’t just want sex for sex: they want it for the “connection” it brings with their provider partner.
This idea comes straight from evolutionary theory:
Men have lots of sperm, but women have finite eggs. Sperm is cheaper, in terms of resources needed to produce, than eggs. So males have a greater chance of producing an offspring if they spread their seed everywhere, and they can do so at little cost. Females can’t benefit from this “spreading”, since their eggs are limited, so they benefit from having only 1 sexual partner.
This creates a situation where males compete over females, and females can be “choosy” about who they mate with– yes, this is actual science, not just a scene from the bar. Thus, males are fundamentally promiscuous, and females are fundamentally not: they want to select the mate that can best provide for them.
That may work fine in fruit flies, but human females are INFINITELY more complicated.
If we look at “casual sex”, things get clearer. Turns out, if the societal stigma of women pursuing casual sex (slut shaming) is removed, women want it just as often as men do.
So, we actually may want it a lot more often than we admit. And what is the purpose of casual sex – well, it sure isn’t emotional connection or seeking a provider! So we’d say yeah, women can (and do!) want sex just for sex.
Embrace it, and don’t feel ashamed to want more sex.Catch up - see the first “fact” we put through the bullshit detector. Check out the third myth we bust.