Sexy Christmas Gift Guide
Christmas might not be the best time to give a partner a big ole dildo - especially when gifts are opened in front of the family - but that doesn’t mean you’re stuck giving gift cards and hand knitted sweaters. There is a way to be subtlety sexy with your gifts. We’ve rounded up the best sexy Christmas gifts and stocking stuffers that are the gift giving equivalent of a wink and a raised eyebrow. Feel free to conveniently leave this page open for your lover to find.
It looks like a candle, but it is so, so much more. No one will raise an eyebrow at a simple little candle, unless they happen to turn it over and read the suggestive name - our favourite is “Vanilla Fetish” by Shunga ($21.99). It burns nice and slow, giving you lots of time to get in the mood. And as the candle burns, not only does it waft a deliciously lush vanilla scent onto the air, it also melts into yummy, silky massage oil.
Screaming O “My Secret Vibrating Mascara”
Mascara is a staple in most women’s make up case. So buying a woman mascara would not arouse (ha!) any suspicion…but this little vibe will certainly arouse something. The little silicone tip seeks out all the right places, and packs a big punch for its size. Perfect to toss in a purse “just in case”! And at only $14.99, it’s a win-win.
Click here to purchase.
Body Spa Vibrating Mesh Sponge
It looks just like an average loofah. And it could be - at least according to any prying eyes. Even the packaging is deceivingly generic. But hidden inside the fluffy mesh folds is a little pouch that perfectly fits the included bullet vibe ($19.95). The mesh adds an interesting textual element to a standard favourite: the shower orgasm.
Click here to purchase.
A robe is the perfect way to gift your lover “lingerie” without the embarrassment factor. Silk is undeniably sexy - not only does it drape the body seductively, it also feel fantastic against the skin. Match the style to the receiver - lace details or florals for a girly girl, darker colours for a more masculine touch, or an animal print pattern for the wild child. Check out Nordstrom’s for cute colorus and patterns.
Sex Toy Jewelry
This looks like a gorgeous pendant… and it is! But it also double as a clit vibe. The vibration is intense along the tip, and just enough to tease along the length. Wearing your sex toy might seem strange, but it is oddly titillating (pun intended). It even comes in a 24k gold option, for extra luxury ($69-149). Purchase through Babeland to get the real deal.
What Are Ben Wa Balls?
If you’ve read 50 Shades of Grey, or ventured into an adult store, you might have encountered “Ben Wa Balls”. (Or maybe you haven’t and you’re wondering what in God’s name they are…)
Essentially, they are small balls meant to be inserted into the vagina (NOT the butt!!) They often contain weights to encourage the balls to roll around within the vagina, increasing stimulation. They are more of a “slow burn” toy, meant to gradually build pleasurable sensations.
Although some women report reaching orgasm through the balls alone, most women enjoy them as a teasing foreplay method - the balls can be left in for an extended amount of time, held in place by your pelvic floor muscles. In fact, some women routinely wear Ben Wa balls to strengthen their PF muscles.
Like other sex toys, Ben Wa balls can be made of a variety of materials including glass, medical grade silicone, and metal. Some varieties are attached by a tether, with a string that remains outside the vagina to make retrieval easier, while others remain loose. The type of material may influence the difficulty of keeping the balls in place - stainless steel or glass balls will require more muscle strength to keep in place, while silicone balls are easier to “grip”.
How Do You Use Ben Wa Balls?
Because the balls are held in place by your pelvic floor muscles, we recommend starting with smaller sized balls.
Before inserting them, lightly coat the balls with your favourite body-safe lube (we reccommend this). Too much lube may make it difficult to keep the balls inside you - yes, they can slip out. Lie horizontally on a comfortable surface, and grib the balls between your thumb and forefinger. Press against the vaginal opening until the balls “pop” into place. You may want to experiment with the depth of insertion.
Although certain novels (*ahem* 50 Shades) may imply that you can immediately wear the balls in public, we suggest wearing them around the house before venturing outside. Because they are held in place by your muscles, if you aren’t used to constantly using those muscles, the balls may slide down. Wear them for as long as you like! Wear them while you partner stimulates your clit, or just sit in a rocking chair for a bit (yeah…. it’s much better than it sounds.)
Just like tampons, the balls cannot get lost in your vaginal canal. To remove tethered balls, simply tug gently on the removal string. If you use un-tethered balls, insert your thumb and forefinger into your vagina and grasp each ball. If that proves difficult, try lying or squatting and bearing down on your diaphragm.
Make sure you clean them well before and after each use - the cleaning method depends on the material (check out our article on how to clean your sex toys for more info).
The “Luna” beads set from Lelo is perfect for beginners - it comes with 2 sizes, allowing for gradual advancement in strength.
“Luna Beads” from Lelo
Can women orgasm in their sleep?
Most people are aware that men have nocturnal emissions (aka wet dreams) – the evidence in the morning is pretty clear. But do women have wet dreams?
Although we may not be left with sticky sheets, we can most definitely experience orgasm during sleep - so yes, women have wet dreams!
In a landmark study in 1953, Alfred Kinsey found that by age 45, 37% of women in the sample had experienced a dream resulting in orgasm. (We like those odds…) And it wasn’t just a one-off (ha!) experience: women who experienced these “sleep-gasms” did so three or four times per year. Interestingly, a more recent 1985 study found the same percentage of the women involved – 37% - had experienced nocturnal emissions.
What is a Sleep-gasm?
It is an orgasm.
Orgasms that occur during sleep are essentially the same as orgasms that occur during wakefulness.
Typically, orgasms occur during “deep” sleep stages and REM sleep. That makes sense: during deep sleep, blood flow is directed towards the muscles – increased blood flow to the genital region mimics what occurs when you get turned on.
And in fact, the increase in vaginal blood flow that occurs during some REM events is identical to the increase in vaginal blood flow that occurs during erotic stimulation when awake.
That also means that nocturnal emissions may not be the direct result of a sexual dream – it could just be the body reaching a physically aroused state during REM sleep, and using orgasm as a natural release of that arousal. That being said, typically sleep orgasms occur during sexual dreams.
The vagina may lubricate, which may be the only evidence that an orgasm occurred during sleep. Some women report that the orgasm wakes them from sleep.
Why Am I Having Orgasms in My Sleep?
Some evidence suggests that
“Positive attitudes toward and knowledge of nocturnal orgasms, sexual liberalism, and waking sexually excited from sleep (without experiencing orgasm) were the most important predictors of nocturnal orgasm experience”
So having sexy dreams that result in orgasm doesn’t mean you’re unhappy with your sex life, or that you’re not getting enough sex.
It could just be the result of your sexually liberal brain in REM sleep!
Either way, it’s a very common phenomenon. (And not to worry if you DON’T have sleep-gasms – they aren’t the rainbow unicorn of sex.)
A good vibrator is like a good pair of black pumps: a necessary (and sexy) investment.
I have found my Louboutins of the sex world, sans the excessive price tag: the Lelo Mona 2
The Mona 2 is a G-Spot vibrator, but it is oh, oh, oh so much more.
Reasons to Love It
Mona 2 is a gorgeous little number. It has all the basics covered:
- It’s waterproof: baths are now 100% more fun. Who needs bubbles when you can have orgasms?
- It is rechargeable: no cords needed.
- It is decently quiet, even on the most powerful setting.
- It is made of body safe, medical grade silicone: easy cleaning and safe for use with water-based lubes.
But the Mona 2 is so much more than that.
The shape is contoured perfectly to work either for either clitoral or G-Spot stimulation: the slight curve means you won’t get carpal tunnel massaging your G-Spot, and it hugs you deliciously on your insides. It has a very satisfying girth, which gives you an intoxicatingly full feeling when inserted - there is slight resistance as you start to slide it in, then the smooth shaft slips perfectly into place.
The smooth, rounded tip is just narrow enough to provide pinpoint stimulation on your clit - but with a slight tilt, it is easily angled to provide fuller, surrounding vibrations.
The Vibrations and Power
The controls of the Mona 2
It has 6 vibration patterns - I can honestly only speak to the first 4, since I never make it long enough to test the last 2. There is the standard straight vibration, several variations of pulsing vibrations, and several vibration patterns to ramp up the intensity only to bring it back down.
The patterns take all the effort out of having shattering, phenomenal clitoral orgasms: they combine intense pulsing vibrations with escalating, ramped rumbles to bring you right to the brink, then bring you back again. The buttons on the grip end are effortless to press and cycle through.
The Mona 2 has serious power: cranked up to the highest level, I can feel the vibrations throughout my whole body when it is inside me. I don’t even have to move the Mona 2 - the powerful vibrations stimulate my G-Spot in ways I didn’t think were possible. I would describe the vibrations more as rumbles that echo to every sensitive nerve ending possible.
This vibe is also great for couple play - it isn’t bulky enough to get in the way of anything, and it is intuitive to hold and control.
The only issue I’ve had with this toy is that it can be prone to slide just past my G-Spot if I don’t keep a firm grip on it. I think it has something to do with the shape: it naturally wants to slide in to the narrowest part, which puts the curved head just past the sweet spot. But if you keep it firmly in hand, it doesn’t slide.
The price may seem high to some at $160 - but it is worth every single penny.
This is a high quality toy that you will get many, many sessions about. It is the kind of toy you can’t wait to get home to. Keep it in your bedside table, you’ll want it close by.
Purchase the Mona 2 here.
This post originally appeared here.
*This post is targeted to heterosexual females and will use heterosexual references and pronouns.
Let’s start off nice and slow with this sensitive subject: Women need to masturbate in order to know their own bodies.
You have one lifetime in this beautiful body, don’t wait - masturbate!
If you feel like it’s dirty or sneaky to do this without your husband/lover, then ask him if he’d mind if you worked on achieving stronger orgasms when he wasn’t home so that you could be a better lover. Who would say no to that? Loving partners want a sexual encounter to be magical and that takes two explosive reactions; not one. Sex needs balance and one orgasm is just off balance- you need to do your part to even things out! You have the power, but if you rarely (or never) have an orgasm during intercourse, then you’re not going to one day figure it out in the midst of the action. You need to do your homework and prepare in advance.
Special message to those who say “sometimes I climax-if the planets align and he does X, Y, and Z for 25 minutes” then you need to masturbate, too! You need to figure out exactly what your body requires so it’s not left to luck.
The point of this whole post is to remind you: You are the boss of your own body.
No one “gives” you an orgasm. You join an intimate contract with your man when you both agree to engage in a physical expression of your love. At no point should your physical pleasure just randomly pop up like a surprise bouquet of flowers. Instead, it should be as thought out as the emerald cut diamond engagement ring that you picked out and had sized to fit you perfectly. He can still buy it and place it on your finger, but there was some work involved by both parties.
Your climax or Moment of Euphoric Transcendence (MET) must be initiated and orchestrated by YOU. Your partner is there to facilitate your climactic moment, not to discover it in the back closet of your libido in a dusty box under a bag of clothes ready for Goodwill.
You are the boss of your body!
Said a different way: Your man knows how to have an orgasm. Every time. He is not dependent on you to figure out what position or scenario will make him achieve his MET. He will move and grab and guide your body until it is in harmony with his. He is the boss of his own body and he knows exactly how to use all the tools in his toolbox; especially his sexual tools. He won’t look at you with a dependent, figure-out-how-to-make-me-climax gaze. And aren’t you glad? Do you want a lover who knows what he wants and joyfully includes you in the process? Yes! Do you know why he is so attuned to his body?
Because he has spent hours and hours masturbating!
This started long before you entered his life; the teen years are a busy time of experimentation and ejaculation for males. He learned all the ways he can reach MET and has become confident in his ability to achieve MET every time he tries. That confidence is important, too. Just knowing that you can, makes it easier for you to replicate that result.
In The Case of the Female Orgasm (Harvard University Press), researcher Elisabeth Lloyd found that only 25% of women report they consistently have an orgasm during sex.
Ladies, we have no excuse other than our own laziness. With 24 hours in a day, you can spend a mere 20-30 minutes on your orgasm until you can get to MET in less than 5 minutes. Experiment with things that may turn you on: sexy music, water (shower, hot tub jets), standing naked in front of a mirror, porn (print or internet), erotic lit, etc.
I have to laugh when I think about a post like this for men.
It would be absurd to talk to men about how they need to learn how to achieve an orgasm. They would love a homework assignment that asked them to take time out of each day to masturbate; whereas, many women probably cringed when I suggested it for them. People would assume a male-orgasm post was a joke or a clever satire piece.
So why is this message necessary for women?
Because of fricking fairy tales, that’s why! We all would love to surrender the responsibility of our rescue to a handsome knight in shining armor or his buddy, Prince Charming. Sure we can be sassy and gutsy during the day, but it does feel nice to let someone else take over and drive the car during sex. They swoop in and resolve the situation; at least that’s our hope.
The fact that men like this role to a point is also important to consider. They love the idea of being there for us, giving us what we need that no one else can provide. That’s a big burden when it comes to the sometimes complex and/or elusive female orgasm. Men want to feel successful and you can help them achieve that goal by doing your part. Men shouldn’t try their hardest and then see your polite “it’s fine, honey” smile at the finish line.
The American Psychological Association found that 90% of men want their partner to have an orgasm.
They want to go on the adventure with you that ends with your eyes wide open (or shut), screaming or crying, sweating, panting, clawing, slapping, etc and then finally knock-out asleep. If you have MET goals, you should add “passing out in blissful slumber” to the list. You’re allowed to fly so high that you crash from exhaustion. No worries about cuddling afterwards- you both know how you feel about each other. Love has been expressed physically, you don’t have to belabor the point.
It’s time to move beyond the cerebral components of this argument for masturbation and get carnal. Let that sacral chakra know who’s boss. You need to figure out what makes you tick so that you can show your man how to wind you up. Learn what pleasure feels like in your own body so you’ll be able to recognize and nurture it when your body has become interdependent with another body.
Orgasms can heal the world, but I’ll save that rant for next time.
Aka Spring Cleaning Your Sex Toys
Sex toys are wonderful things. (In fact, here are 6 toys that we think are particularly wonderful.)
But they can also be very, very bad.
Toys that aren’t kept nice and clean can harbour all kinds of bacteria. That makes sense - they go into some pretty juicy, flora-filled places. By not paying attention to the hygiene of your toys, you or your partner could end up with a yeast infection, UTI, and STI… not so sexy. So, clean your sex toys!
But before you bust out the bleach, you should make sure you’re using the best cleaning method for your particular toy. (Which, by the way, is NOT bleach.)
If you use lube with your toys, be aware of what type of lube you use.
- Water-based lube (like this one): Can be used on any toy! Easy on, easy off. It doesn’t degrade toys, is totally body safe, and still keeps things slick.
- Silicone-based lube: this can be used on toys made of hard substances (like glass, marble, and hard plastic). DO NOT use on silicone or jelly based toys - the silicone molecules will want to join together, resulting in the lube and toy melting together like goo.
- Oil-based lubes: Do not use on toys. Getting oil off of the toy will require using harsh, alcohol-based substances that not only degrade the toy itself, they aren’t good for the body!
The material of your toy will determine the best way to clean it.
- Jelly: Since jelly is extremely porous, jelly toys can’t be totally disinfected. Wash with lukewarm water (not boiling water, which can sort of melt the jelly), and mild soap with no fragrance. We definitely recommend using a body-safe sex toy cleaner.
- Rubber/Latex: Lukewarm water and mild soap. Ensure you get the soap off, because soap will degrade the toy if left on for long periods.
- Cyberskin: Same as jelly toys.
- Silicone: Wash with mild soap and pat dry - these toys are easy keepers.
- Stainless Steel or Pyrex: if the toy doesn’t have batteries, you can throw it in the dishwasher (just make sure you don’t use dishwasher soap, since that’s usually pretty harsh. The hot water is good enough!) Honestly, any cleaning method works for these babies.
Maintain your toys in good condition.
Cracks, chips, and scratches in your toys can turn into prime habitat for harmful bacteria. Inspect them regularly to make sure sure there isn’t any damage.
Although there are more and more reputable adult stores, not everyone enjoys the idea of aimlessly browsing for sex toys in the company of strangers. Luckily, there’s the Internet. We’ve taken the liberty of compiling the coolest sex toys that you might actually use - so you don’t even have to leave your house! You’re welcome.
1. The We-Vibe 4
Solo or Couple: Both
Why It’s Awesome: There it an app. The shape of the We-Vibe 4 may not fit every couple’s anatomy perfectly enough to be used as it was intended (inside you during intercourse), but the remote capabilities more than make up for that. The vibe can be controlled via a smartphone app from anywhere in the world - suddenly being apart won’t be so hard anymore.
The possibilities are endless…
Buy It Here!
2. Nuo Vibrating Butt Plug by Je Joue
Solo or Couple: Both
Why It’s Awesome: The app. Yup, this one has an app too! Except this toy is specifically designed for anal play. It isn’t so large as to be intimidating for newbies, but offers much satisfaction for those more experienced in anal sex. Smooth, silky, and vibrating - it is the perfect anal toy.
Buy It Here!
3. Leaf Vitality 2
Solo or Couple: Solo
Why It’s Awesome: There are 2 arms - one for the vagina, one for the clit. Although that in itself is wonderful, the greatest thing about this toy is that both arms are controlled separately! Need strong clit vibrations but weaker ones inside? No problem!
Buy It Here!
4. Shunga Edible Body Paint in “Strawberry Wine”
Solo or Couple: Couple
Why It’s Awesome: The flavour is unreal. It doesn’t have the icky, slightly-plasticky candy store fake taste that most flavoured lubes have. The delicious fruity flabour just makes you want to keep on licking… the effects of which your partner will most definitely appreciate. If you’re apprehensive about oral, slather this stuff on and slurp away.
Buy It Here!
5. The UMA by Ju Joue
Solo or Couple: Solo
Why It’s Awesome: Purrrrfectly deep and powerful vibrations, and the best shape for optimal g-spot stimulation without hurting your wrist. It doesn’t require pushing down on the handle to hit that sweet spot, so your wrists will thank you. That shape is so perfect, it even pulls at your g-spot deliciously on the back-stroke, too.
Buy It Here!
6. Melting Candle Massage Oil by Booty Parlour
Solo or Couple: Couple
Why It’s Awesome: It can be lit as a regular candle during a romantic dinner, and by the time you’re in the mood it has melted into a warm, deliciously smooth massage oil. It smells as amazing as it feels, and skin is left silky rather than sticky. Perfect for the slow burn.
Buy It Here!
aka What the hell is “female ejaculate?!”
You may have seen it in porn, or you may have experienced it yourself: the expelling of copious amounts of liquid through the urethra during orgasm, generally after the stimulation of the front wall of the vagina (aka the “G spot”).
Otherwise known as “squirting”.
The female sexual experience seems to be much more convoluted than the male sexual experience - large parts of our experience is hidden from view, for starters. It is surprising, therefore, that there is controversy surrounding the phenomenon of “female ejaculation”: here is a very visible sign of the sexual experience, and we still aren’t sure what it is or how it is produced! Because there are so many theories out there, we thought we would break them down.
Theory 1: Squirting is Urine
The fluid that is squirted comes from the urethra, so it makes sense that it could be urine. Since urine comes from the bladder, one recent study conducted pelvic ultrasound scans on 7 women after they peed, and during sexual stimulation (both before and after squirting). They found that during sexual stimulation, the recently emptied bladder filled very rapidly, and was empty again after squirting occurred.
To be sure, urine samples were analyzed before sexual stimulation, and after squirting occurred. Urine contains urea, ceratinine, and uric acid: all of which were found in both the samples taken before sexual stimulation, and the squirted fluid. However, prostatic-specific antigen (PSA), a compound secreted by the Skene’s glands (which are often referred to as the “female prostate”), was also found in the squirted fluids of 5/7 of the women.
Why this theory is problematic:
- Many women and their partners report that the fluid that is squirted during orgasm does not smell, look, or taste like urine.
- Women say the sensation of squirting feels nothing like voiding their bladder
- The study used only 7 women - that is a very small sample size
Although the sample size is small, the evidence is extremely convincing. The bladder was empty, filled up again very rapidly, and then was empty again.
Where did all that fluid go, if not out through the urethra?
The fact that the squirted fluid doesn’t smell, look, or taste like urine could be due to the fact that it is extremely diluted - the bladder fills so quickly that there isn’t time for the waste to accumulate in the urine. The highly diluted urine is mixed with PSA from the Skene’s glands when it exits the urethra, which could also contribute to the differing taste and smell.
Theory 2: Squirting is not Urine
The Skenes glands. (Photo from here)
Some studies purport that the fluid squirted during sexual stimulation is produced in the Skene’s glands (the female prostate), and is not, in fact, urine.
According to this study, the glands have long ducts that lead to the urethra. This leads to the possibility that the fluid squirted during sexual stimulation could have been produced in these glands, and travel to the urethra to be ejaculated. In this case, the squirted fluid would be mostly prostate secretions like PSA.
Why this theory is problematic:
- The Skene’s glands are very small - it is unlikely they could produce and store the amount of fluid that is often squirted
As this OB/GYN states:
the Skene’s glands are tiny, about the size of a pea, and are just not physiologically capable of producing any more than a few milliliters of fluid at best
Although the wet spots many women experience are due to the secretions from the Skene’s glands, it seems unlikely that the copious amounts of liquid some women squirt could be produced from these tiny glands.
Theory 3: “Female Ejaculate” is Not Urine, but “Squirt” IS
This theory is mostly semantics. Some studies say that there needs to be a distinction made between the secretions that come from the Skene’s glands, and the large amounts of squirted fluid that comes from the urethra during sexual stimulation.
One study explains:
“…female ejaculation is the release of a very scanty, thick, and whitish fluid from the female prostate, while the squirting is the expulsion of a diluted fluid from the urinary bladder”
Secretions from Skene’s glands = female ejaculate (likely named since the Skene’s glands are often called the “female prostate”): milky, whitish, small quantity.
Squirted fluid = dilute urine: clear, larger quantity.
WHY DO WE CARE?
What do we even want to answer the question: “what is squirting”?
- Many women feel inadequate because they cannot squirt. Understanding what squirting really is might help them realize that it isn’t the magical unicorn of sexual experience.
- In our mind, more research is needed about the female sexual experience in general, so we see this research as a step in the right direction.
That being said, we don’t NEED to care.
If you squirt - is it pleasurable? Is it fun?
Then who cares what the chemical composition of the squirt is, or where it comes from?!
In fact, if it is diluted urine, does that make it any less a part of the sexual experience? (As in: “Oh, it’s just pee. That’s not sexy.”) No, of course not. It is no grosser or more weird than semen.
If it’s pleasurable and fun, keep squirtin! (If it bothers you, or you think it might be indicative of other physiological problems, see your doctor!) If you have never squirted, don’t worry, you’re not any less of a sexual creature.
Orgasms are fantastic.
We could just leave it at that, but you already know that. Let’s go a little deeper; there are some pretty convincing studies out there about the health benefits of orgasms
Orgasms help calm you down, which can lead to better sleep. Climax is followed by the release of certain endorphins that help you to relax.
Orgasms are natural pain-relievers: oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin levels surge during climax. This both significantly increases your pain tolerance, and acts as a pain-killer. Certain types of headaches seem to be reduced after orgasm, and this is likely why.
Orgasm can help prevent cervical infection and UTIs: during orgasm, the cervix “tents” open - this pulls the mucous lining within the cervix into the vagina. This essentially flushes out the old lining and gets rid of anything trapped in the mucous that shouldn’t be there.
This classic study found the following:
…masturbators had significantly more orgasms, greater sexual desire, higher self-esteem, and greater marital and sexual satisfaction, and required less time to sexual arousal
Who doesn’t want to be calmer, better rested, in less pain, with a healthier cervix and more self esteem?
With those benefits in mind, we are creating:
THE 30 DAY ORGASM CHALLENGE.
- You must orgasm every day, at least once, for 30 days.
That’s it. We honestly don’t care how or where, just that you orgasm at least once a day; It can be a quick thirty second jaunt with a vibrator, or an hour long love fest with your partner. We would love if you kept track of your orgasms: how you felt before, during, and after, how you were brought to orgasm, any other effects you notice during the 30 days.
For those who struggle with climaxing, we will totally accept any kind of sexual pleasure - whether self-love or with a partner - as part of the challenge.
Sometimes it feels like sex (solo or not) takes a back seat to the rest of life. There is hardly enough time in the day to breathe, never mind get aroused (that takes work), and orgasm. But that’s an important part of embracing your sexuality: realizing that you deserve to orgasm. It isn’t just something to do when you have a spare moment.
First of all, we will preface this with the reminder that we despise the use of the word “normal” at Free Your V.
That being said, many woman want to know what the “normal” frequency of masturbation is. We’ve been conditioned to accept that frequent male masturbation is “normal” (and even that men want sex more than women do), but we rarely discuss female masturbation frequencies: how often do most women masturbate? Once in a blue moon? Multiple times per day?
A 2009 study by the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behaviour studied the sexual behaviour (including masturbation) of 5,865 Americans between the ages of 18 and 94. We made our own graph of some of the results of this massive survey.
It is clear from the graph that the frequency of masturbation varies by age.
Regardless of age, the most common frequency appears to be “not in the past year”.
So if you’re in the “>4 times per week” category, you’re probably picking your jaw up off the floor at the moment.
Does this study tell us what is “normal”? Sure. If by “normal” we mean the result with the highest frequency for this particular group of subjects…
But one of the major problems with a lot of studies about sex is that they rely on self-reporting. And a lot of people aren’t totally honest when they report things, or may not have an accurate memory of the events they are reporting.
Be honest: do you remember how many times you masturbated last week? Last year? And if you did remember the exact number, would you share it with a stranger?
We need to be very, very careful when we talk about what is “normal.” If you happen to have a very high sex drive, then perhaps masturbating more than 4 times per week is your normal. If you have a lower sex drive, are really tired, just changed birth control pills, etc. then maybe masturbating once a month is your normal. Frequent (or in-frequent) masturbation is not something to be ashamed of. Do it whenever the urge hits you, and don’t worry about it!
So long as excessive masturbation isn’t negatively effecting the rest of your life, have at it.